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Welcome to my twisted (and sometimes tasteless) gallery
of Paint Shop Pro 7.04 total waste of perfectly good webspace.
For those of you who have been following my misadventures,
(which I assume makes up approximately 100% of you) think back and you will remember my opening lines to misadventures.
"I am not a pilot", well I like that line so much that I'm going to use it to open
this newest area of my website too. Here it goes.
I am not an artist, nor do I claim to be an artist, but it sure is fun pretending,
and I'll tell you, this paint shop program makes it easy to take the totally retarded images from the mind and put them on
cyber-canvas.
From now on the program I used to create these images will be refered to as PSP7.
My original intentions for PSP7 was to paint planes for FS2002, but I've not
had very good success at having the planes show their colors when placed into the FS program, I just need more practice.
While I was discouraged in that endeavor I began to play around with the PSP features
and discovered how easy it was to make beautiful backgrounds, at first thats all I was good at, then I just started doing
some silly things with the foreground on my first couple of paintings.
First of all, I know they're kind of stupid and tasteless, but if you don't
like it, TOO BAD!!
I promise they get better as I learn more about the program, and I started
spending a little more time on my projects, and so let's get started:
I really love a great science fiction painting, you know
the ones that make you think of what it's like on far away planets, how the sky might have two or five or twenty moons, and
instead of blue, maybe the sky is red or orange or pink, and come on, you know there is other life out there, how could anyone
think that throughout the great expanses of the universe, we could possibly be the only life, if you believe that, you
must be a very closed minded individual.
So for my first piece, I created my own alien landscape, and trust me this
little event depicted could be happening somewhere out there at this very minute!
This is:
Alien watching sunset while crapping on beach
Oh my!
The way the setting alien sun reflects off
the ocean, the beauty of the pinkish alien sky, the way the alien poo accumulates under the .....uhm, we'll skip
that part.
Makes you wish you were there, huh!!
Okay, I'll be the first to admit to the total
lack of artistic talent, but it was a good first try.
My next attempt was a very simple concept, I played around with some of the
drawing and shape tools, and I'm not really sure where the inspiration came from.
This piece may not be much but when you think about it, if picasso
painted it, there would be a million dollar price tag on it, but I'm just Paz, so it only holds the value of artistic creation
which is so prominent in my heart....What the F**k ever!
This is a more modern pop art piece I simply call:
Face
You can almost smell the talent as it begins to seep out of various
orifices can't you?
After finishing 'Face' which took a grueling 15 minutes, I turned my obviously
growing talent towards more of a cartoonish type creation.
I figured if I was this good at alienscapes and pop art, then surely I could
pull off a cartoon frame, lets see how that went....
It was a lovely time to be alive in potato land, the fishies jumping
and having fun, the sun warming the pool and a single fluffy cloud overhead as the local gent went for his afternoon stroll,
I call this one:
Mr. Potaterhead flicks boogers at the hairy sun
LOL! Mr. Potaterhead... cracks me up!
Well, I was really starting to shine, I could tell by....
um, well I just knew I was getting pretty good, I mean look at the progress,
I started out with an alien taking a dump, and now I had a tater head flickin' snot! What would come out next?
You know what, I got really serious about my next project, I started
out with the kick-ass background and it just kept growing, and I realized at some point that I really had something cool going
on, and that maybe there really was some hope for me.
But what about the guy in this piece?
As the molten sea reached its boiling point, I knew all hope was lost,
my only way back to the place where all my possessions wait for me was lost forever in this fiery hell.
Why did the only source of food have to be on this side of the crevice,
why did I end up on this God forsaken world and how will I ever get
Home
Wow, that was pretty deep wasn't it?
I told you it would get better as I went along, I was really getting pretty
good at this, and I am proud of that work, as I am of the next one.
The more I messed with PSP, I started to learn a lot of tricks, I love
this program! I could never paint like this in real life, not even the alien crapping.
I Kind of got lost on my next project, it was turning out so good,
and I didn't want to ruin it by adding anything else to it, I decided it was complete just the way it is, and anything else
would have distracted from the mood it sets.
There is always a chill in the air when the sun
rises in the mountains, but with such a feeling of serenity, who cares.
This one is:
Sunrise
I'm not going to claim to have a huge description
for my new masterpiece, I will just put in on display for all to see.
After a long hard day of stealing souls
and burning folks in the firey bowels of hell, even the devil likes to kick back with a tall container of his favorite beverage.
This one is called:
Bizzleboob sips from the radioactive tea.
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